Grow

by Deanna Schooler

又过了一个沮丧的夜晚，我发现自己一个人在流泪. I had lost it. In the sanctuary of the Emmanuel Church, on one of the pews after a group bible study, 我在上帝面前崩溃了，让我的手通过语言来释放我的紧张. These words scribbled into my journal read:

Am I too bigheaded? Too prideful? I feel inferior, unintelligent, and stubborn. I don’t like who I am, God. Why does it hurt so badly? 过去的几周让我更加缺乏自信. I am faking Christianity. 你不知道吗，上帝，这伤害了我的自尊. I already have to prete…

出乎意料的是，从我身后，我听到这些话在我耳边低语:“我可以为你祈祷吗??” Very quickly and without conscious thought, 我的脸涨得通红，擦去从脸上流下的泪水. 我抬起头来，看到了阿提姆，一个身高6英尺5英寸的金发俄罗斯男人. 我很震惊，有点困惑，最重要的是，我很紧张. I hadn’t an idea of what he wanted. Artium’s English is non-existent, 所以我知道在他接近我之前，他的朋友亚历克斯已经逐字逐句地告诉他该用英语说什么. Without time to process what Artium wanted, 他的大手抱住我冰冷的前臂，把我拉向圣殿的大门.

“Alex!阿提姆提高了嗓门，对他说英语的朋友喊道. 我不确定是更多的陪伴让我安心，还是给我灌输了更多的恐惧. 我心里七上八下，全身肌肉都抽搐起来. 我想说我完全信任这些人，但我们的友谊才维持了几天. We walked outside.

Goosebumps took over my body. 阿提姆把他的大外套给了我，我欣然接受了. 我戴上它，感觉有一层保护罩住了我. I began to let my guard down. 亚历克斯结结巴巴地说着英语，告诉我他们想为我祈祷. Artium spoke up in words I could not understand. Eager to find out what he said, I looked to Alex. “他说，当我们所有的俄罗斯人一起祈祷时，上帝让他为你祈祷. The Holy Spirit moved him to come down and get you.” A warm sensation took over my body. At that moment, every doubtful word that I had written down and every negative thought I had about myself was disproved; Jesus’ faithfulness prevailed.

大约十分钟，感觉像是永恒，俄罗斯人一起祈祷，同时. Their mouths never stopped moving. 有时，这三个人会祈祷得更大声，更有激情，或者祈祷得更慢，更强调. 我发现自己有时只是在听，或者重复这句话:“上帝啊，你真好!那一刻的力量压倒了我，我目瞪口呆地跪在上帝面前. At my weakest, God, through Artium, 他抱起我，向我保证他在每一个好的和坏的地方, the hard and easy, the blessings and curses, and the pain and joy.

“Amen.“我们抬起头，漆黑一片，只露出我的牙齿. 我无法停止微笑，没有语言，尤其是没有翻译的语言，可以表达我的感受. “This was just what I needed, Artium.” I said. 亚历克斯点点头，转向阿提姆，把这句话翻译成俄语. Silence fell over us. 我渐渐接受了改变. 一种新的思维方式和生活方式的基础开始形成，圣灵在我里面活著. 这就是我接下来三个月的动力、态度和目标.

by Martha James

He made eye contact with me. 他朝我走来，拉着我的手，我吓了一跳，让自己被拉到中间. 我们的朋友和一些陌生人围在我们周围，期待地看着. I was confused as to why he chose me. I had not learned the correct steps. 当他把手放在我的腰上，让我的右手陪着他的左手时，我感到一阵焦虑. 我想提醒我们脚下空洞的地板，飓风很快就要来了. 我悄悄地提醒他，我不知道该怎么走. 他温和而平静地看着我，回答说:“自信，玛莎.一阵短暂的沉默之后，被我的深呼吸打断，音乐开始了. 远处角落里的一台小收音机传来探戈的曲调，促使他迈出了第一步. 他领着我向前走，走到一边，然后又走回来，从不失去注意力. His eyes were locked on mine. In that moment, he guided me. There was no flaw in his movements. I felt secure.

God is asking for my hand every day. 他想把我从舒适的状态中拉出来，要我依赖他. 当他抱紧我的时候，他的力量没有丝毫的犹豫. 他对每一步都了如指掌，不会让我跌倒. 我是优雅的，优雅的，因为他的决心使我如此. 他在我耳边低语着信心，我的焦虑无法与他的平安相比. I am overwhelmed by His longing to dance with me. He chose me. 没有他的同在，我就站着不动，没有希望. 我自己或跟着自己的脚步跳舞都是徒劳的. 看着我的灵魂，他提醒我，我缺乏信任，因此需要信任. Nothing wavers His steps.

I hear the beckoning of my love. 他想带领我进入一个安静的地方，带着我对他的信心.